Category: Dating and Relationships
hey fellow zoners, I'm sure a lot of you have faced the same situation. I'm facing a conflict and not sure if I should confront it. I'll tell you what I mean, I've been friends with this man for a long time before we grew closer to each other. It wasn't suppose to happen but one day I found myself falling for him. I've tried just about everything to wish my love for him away but nothing has worked. Now it's to the point where I feel like I have to tell him how I really feel. it's only fare, he's been straight up with me, I've been to a point with out feeling vulnerable. I've allways known that he doesn't feel the same way. What's stopping me is the fear that if I tell him It's going to mess up our friend ship for good. I don't want that, were very good friends. Some people have told me that I should or I'll reget it later on. If any of you have experienced something like this I'd like to hear your feedback.
Thanks
This is probably going to sound immature or childish if you will, but I had a similar experience in Middle School. My advice to you is to let him know how you feel, but don't push it. Sometimes your best friend can end up being your soulmate later in life. That's not how it ended up working out for me. We never actually dated, and now I'm with someone I truly believe is my soulmate, but I've heard of stories where a person's first love ends up being their last. My mom knew such a couple. They're still together to this day, and for five years, the guy didn't return the feelings the girl felt for him, so you never know. All I'm saying is to go at his pace. If it doesn't ever end up going past friendship, I know it will hurt, but for both your sakes, you'll just have to accept it.
Just get it out. Friendships aren't built on secrets, after all, nor are they built on lies. It's embarrassing and a little awkward but you're both adults here - if it's out in the open it becomes less novel to your own heart, and might more quickly fade away. That and if he knows, he might be able to take some steps to help dissuade the feeling as well, such as stopping any unintentional flirting.
I agree that you should tell him. If you don't, it will eat you up inside. You'll constantly torture yourself, wondering what could have been if you'd just taken the chance. My current boyfriend was someone I'd had a crush on since I met him when I was in 10th grade. I didn't pursue him then because the time wasn't right, I thought he was way out of my league, and who knows what other reasons. Anyway, after a series of dead-end and just plain bad relationships, I would always see how I had him to fall back on. We weren't really tight or anything, mainly because every time I got too close to him I would always get scared and put a bit of distance between us so I wouldn't fall for him (it never worked obviously.) After my last relationship ended on bad terms, I basically got real close with him and said "screw this, I have to tell him how I feel now. This is obviously fate talking here and if I don't do something about this I'll regret it forever." Of course I was scared he would reject me, and that really would have hurt. In fact, I don't know what I would have done if he did. But that doesn't matter because we've been dating for about a year and a half now and I couldn't be happier. So I say go for it, because if you don't it will just make your life hell until you do. Yeah, you might get hurt. But life has no guarantees, and this is especially true as far as love is concerned.
Thanks guys, and don't warry poster number 2, their was nothing inmature about what you said. You guys are so right, it's been killing me for the last year and nine months. I guess part of the fear is I know he doesn't feel that way about me. He told me and that's what got me thinking about telling him. I guess him telling me is slowly giving me the courage to tell him.Your right, friends shouldn't keep secrets, after all we are very close. I'm just scared that when I due is it going to distroy are friend ship. That would suck, for us to be that close and me telling him that would distroy everything. I don't blame him for not being ready, after all he's still very mutch hurt from the tragic end of his marage. I'm not trying to push things, don't want to scare him away. I'm still going to college so I'm not looking for anything to serious right now but in this case it feels different. I'll tell him next time we see each other. Thanks for the feedback, feel free to continue.
Thanks
If he's a good friend to you, he won't let that destroy your friendship.
your right, I'm going to do it next time we see each other.
best of luck; let us know how it goes.
Wow, a year and 9 months is a long time to hold onto something like that. I think telling him is a good idea, and, if he is a good friend, he will understand that you had to be honest. You know you can't hold these type of things in. If you do it will tear you up inside. I hope it all goes well.
Kind regards,